Im Ready.

Tomorrow is my big move from NY to Baltimore.

For months I've anticipated this. As soon as I got my grad school acceptance letter my mom and I went crazy buying things for my apartment. I was sooo excited! Not only did I get to move out of my parents house and finally start my adult life...but I was actually really amped to get into public health... and I would be closer to my boyfriend!

Last saturday I realized that I had exactly one week until move in day. And I freaked out. Seriously...I was suddenly so sad. I realized that this would probably be the last time I'd ever live in the house I grew up in for an extended period of time. I mean...I went to college all the way in Virginia, so I'm used to being away...but this just felt way more...permanent. Being an adult scares me. Honestly, I don't really feel grown. How come no one told me that 24 feels like 18 [but with wayyyy more freedom] lol?! I was also nervous about the way my move would change my relationship. I've never been the kind of girl that is attached by the hip to my boyfriend. I like my space. But I've also never been in a serious non-long-distance relationship (yes I just made that up) as an adult. I know from watching my friends that in typical non-long-distance relationships couples are together quite a bit and they seem to enjoy it. What if I don't adapt? Will we just fall into a routine naturally? Will I grow to want to spend all of my free time with my boyfriend?

I can't say for sure...but I think that my fears are normal [please tell me they are lol]. Today, on the eve of my move...I can say that I'm excited again. Im ready to go and live my life. Im ready for new experiences. Im ready to be a young woman exploring a big city [that isnt New York]. Im ready to find myself. Im ready to grow.

Now we'll see how I feel about this when my parents leave and I'm left in my apartment alone twiddling my thumbs lol...but for now...I'm ready.

10 Months.

My life from September to Now:

-I'm still with my wonderful boyfriend. [and yes...he's still wonderful]

-Having a long distance relationship has been challenging...but I am happy to announce that it won't be long distance for much longer!

-I've become somewhat of a human rights activist.

-I've gone on a completely different path career wise...and I couldn't be happier about my decision.

-I've become very health conscious.

-As of August I will be moving to Baltimore, Maryland.

-I will be going to grad school to study Public Health. My concentration is Community and Population Health.

-I still work two jobs.

-I've vowed to never work retail again after I move.

-This year I've traveled to Puerto Rico and Miami.

-I've become very open with my opinions. No more Mrs. Shy Girl ;-)

-My hair has been natural for over 2 years now. And it is thriving.


And yea...10 months in a nutshell. Ill be elaborating on these posts little by little. Wonder which one I should tackle first. Hmmmmm....

Too Cool For School...Or Valentine's Day.

Valentine's Day is coming up!!! I've always loved Valentine's Day...there's something beautiful about celebrating love...be it with your significant other, family, or friends.

I'm used to seeing and hearing bitter comments from people who wish they had someone to celebrate with...but lately...I've been seeing bitter comments from people who are actually in relationships!

Never have I seen such a holier than thou attitude. I've heard so many women say, "I don't get the big deal, me and my boyfriend celebrate EVERYDAY." How on Earth could you attempt to put someone down for being excited? Does this mean that if your boyfriend doesn't get you anything you'll be fine? Yeah...ok.

Just because you and your honey bask in Valentine's Day and all its commercialism does not imply that your relationship is otherwise boring and stagnant.

That logic is just silly to me....I mean...I'm thankful year round....does that mean I should stop celebrating Thanksgiving? lol

Take that stick out your ass and lighten up people. No, Valentine's Day should not be the only day that your sig other makes you feel special...but that doesn't mean you cant celebrate! It's the one day out of the year that the majority of people around you are also celebrating their love. That's what makes it special. Universal love day.

...And stop trying to downplay other peoples relationships by bigging up your own. Who are you trying to convince that your relationship is perfect and happy 365? Me?? Or yourself??

How to Love.

Today is my parents 24th wedding anniversary (it is also my daddys 48th birthday!). I am forever grateful for them. They are the perfect example of what true love and compromise are. They taught me what it is to love.

This is an interview i did with them as part of a black marital relations class i took last semester (by far my favorite class EVER). Its a little long but i found some of their answers really interesting. I hope to learn from their trials and tribulations and who knows....maybe one of you will too!

**although this was a black marital relations class i think a lot of this wisdom is relevant to ALL people. I've bolded the things that I think you'd guys would care about most. enjoy!

M=mother F=father I=interviewer

I: Ok, so this is my interview for Black Marital Relations class. These are my parents, Dallas and Robin. I’m going to ask you guys a few questions…how long have you been married?

F: 23 ½ years.

I: How did you become a couple, and also what attracted you guys to each other?

F: Um…I was in typing senior year and I had some work I had to make up.

M: How do you make up typing??

F: Well…anyway (laughs) I had some work to make up and she was in the class. I asked my friend if he could try to get her number for me.

M: Instead of typing the entire class, he stood and stared at me the entire 45 minutes.

F: She acted like she didn’t see me looking at her…but I know she did!

[laughter]

M: So that’s how it all began. Right before spring break of our senior year.

I: At Hampton University…well at Hampton Institute.

M: In Phenix hall.

I: So what attracted you to him?

M: I think his eyes…I liked his droopy eyes.

I: What attracted you to her?

F: She was fine man…beautiful young lady.

[laughter]

I: So what would you identify as strengths of your marriage?

M: Communication.

F: Yea, communication. You gotta say what’s on your mind, even if the other person doesn’t want to hear it you have to say it.

I: What can you identify as some special strengths that African Americans might bring into their marital relationships?

F: Um, I don’t know if it’s an African American thing, I think it’s with any relationship that its important that you understand how each other feel about big picture things like family. If one person comes from a really close family and the other one doesn’t… if there’s not an understanding of those things before you decide to become a couple it can become an issue. If you want to have kids…what you think about kids…

M: What holidays you celebrate…all of that makes a big difference in your marriage.

I: What are some special challenges or problems that you have experienced in your marriage?

M: I think pretty much when you stand before God and say those vows, we’ve pretty much gone through every aspect of those vows in our marriage. For richer, for poorer, for better, for worse…you know all of those things are more than just words.

F: Yea and your challenges are different as you grow older. You’ve experienced different things, you are going through different things, different things bring you joy, different things are distractions depending on how old you are. So as you get older the distractions become fewer, issues become fewer…

I: Yea because you guys were married young.

F: Yes!

I: 23.

M: Very young.

F: EXTREMELY young.

[laughter]

I: Fresh out of college.

M: Pretty much…

F: Just about.

I: What can you identify as some unique challenges or problems…wait, I just asked you that didn’t I? Ok, next question. In what area do you feel that you have had to make the greatest compromise due to your marriage?

F: Wow…compromise? I don’t feel like I really had to compromise very much. I mean because you know the thing is, like I said as you get older the things you like to do change. I think when I was younger I don’t think I had to compromise, I think that was one of the things like…I liked to go out a lot, Robin didn’t like to go out as much soooo…I didn’t go out as much as I probably would have if I was single [laughs]…but she didn’t like say “ You cant go out.” That kind of thing, so I mean I don’t really feel like I had to sacrifice that much. And whatever I had to sacrifice was worth it.

[laughter]

M: Yea I don’t think I’ll elaborate on that one… [laughs]

I: I thought I asked you guys this question, but I didn’t. What can you identify as some unique challenges or problems that African American couples in general might experience?

F: Well I mean, you know we live in a society where you as an African American have many more opportunities then say your parents or grandparents did. But the things that are underlying in American society that impact African Americans are big picture things…education, employment, income, wealth. Those things have not changed. So you have to be cognoscente of those things and adjust accordingly. It makes a difference in how you raise your children and how much you make them aware of those things. But those are the things that haven’t really changed. On the surface popular culture may make you think that they have. I know there’s a Black president but the drop out rate in most districts that are predominately African American is still about 50%. And those are the things that we uniquely as African Americans against other minorities, particularly Latinos may have to deal with. Those are the foundational things…Do you agree?

M: I agree [laughs]

I: How do you manage your money? Like who pays the bills and/or decides how money will be spent and are you satisfied with this arrangement?

F: For the most part we decide how money is spent together, but she is MUCH better at handling the money than I am.

[laughter]

F: And I’m ok with that [laughs]

M: When we started out, we pretty much each had our own bank account. He was responsible for things and I was responsible for things. And um…it didn’t work so well doing it that way. So I kind of took over the finances and I pretty much  make things happen.

F: Yes she does.

M: Any major purchases that we do, we decide together. Its not like one person just goes out and…

M/F: …buys a car!

M: That’s a problem [laughs]

I: How do you handle domestic responsibilities in your family? Like, who does what? For example, care for the children, housework, etc…and also are you satisfied with this arrangement?

M: I pretty much do everything..

[laughter]

M: No, he does help. He does a lot of the outside work. Sometimes I have to remind him or you know say “why don’t you pick that up?!”

F: It’s pretty much the traditional male/female familial roles for the most part. I help out when asked or needed.

[laughter]

I: You cook breakfast on Sundays!

F: That’s right!

M: and I do appreciate it.

[laughter]

I: Do you believe in the traditional notion as a man as the head of the household? Why or why not?

F: I mean, I do simply because that’s how I was raised. As I’ve gotten older and have become more aware of the scripture, I think that’s kind of how God created everything. There are certain roles, nobody’s role is better than the other. They’re just different. That’s what I think.

M: Well that’s pretty much the same way I think. I grew up in a traditional household and I think the man should be the head of the household.

I: How do you spend your leisure time?

F: Wow…I really don’t have a whole lot of leisure time. Leisure time is just really…nothing! [laughs] Chilling!

M: Leisure time like relaxing at home and attending family events.

F: Pretty much. Like I said, as you get older you’re not trying to go out here and go out there. When you have time that you’re not working or trying to get something done, you’re just enjoying your time at home.

M: Well leisure time will change shortly because now that the kids are almost gone…one is pretty much out of the house and the other is heading that way..

F: Were almost empty nesters! That will change everything!

[laughter]

M: We’re going to start date night.

I: What things do you do on a regular basis to keep your marriage strong and healthy?

M: Pretty much just letting each other know that we love each other.

F: Yea again, communication is key.

M: We talk a lot. We laugh a lot.

F. The ritualistic kind of things, I think it’s more of a constant communication thing that makes the difference more so than saying, “We’re going to do this every Tuesday night.” Even though there’s nothing wrong with that and that’s always helpful. But I think the constant communication, give and take time together is really the thing that’s key. Being honest and true with your thoughts and treating each other with respect.

I: What do you think is/are the most important ingredients for a successful marriage?

F: I mean, you look at other people relationships, and you never really know what goes on in someone’s home, but I think that people have to understand that it aint easy! Sometimes you have to work through stuff. I mean, stuffs gonna hit the fan. It just does. That’s life. And sometimes people don’t take the time to remember why they got married. They get don’t get past those things. I think most times people could get past things, but its pride or some other thing that really don’t matter that gets in the way.

M: I think a lot of that comes with communication. Having fun together and just supporting each other.

I: What advice would you give to a black couple who is preparing for marriage that you think would increase their likelihood of having a satisfying and lasting marriage?

M: Don’t do it!! No I’m just kidding [laughs]

[laughter]

F: The thing is this, I think that people need to understand that grown folk don’t change! That’s the first thing. If you go in there and someone has a habit that you cant stand, its gonna be there.

M: It will NOT change.

F: So you need to understand that it’s a part of the package, ok? Now people do grow, and they grow out of things and they change, but it’s only when they want to change. Don’t try to change people. And if you’re mad, say you’re mad! Don’t like hold it in.

M: Right. You can’t walk around not speaking to each other.

F: Yea if you’re mad, say you’re mad.

M: Try to never go to bed angry.

F: Be careful of the words that come out of your mouth…you can’t take those back. At the same time, remember that it’s hard. Words sometimes hurt, but sometimes you have to look past the words and listen to what someone’s heart is telling you.

I: And lastly, in general, would you encourage black adult males and females to marry? Why or why not?

[laughter]

F: Yea.

M: I would.

F: Again…it aint easy and I think that people expect it to be. And that’s the fallacy. That’s the trick.

M: And not only that, I think children need both parents. I think they need to grow up in a happy house with both parents.

F: I think it even goes deeper than that. That’s the way this was designed. A man and woman are supposed to marry and become one flesh…be fruitful and multiply. That’s how it was designed. I think that if people follow the things that the Book says about how you’re supposed to deal with each other in a relationship…and this is strictly my opinion, usually the problem is that people get mad and their ego’s get in the way. Because the scripture says for husbands to love their wives. I truly believe… I firmly believe …it says “honor them, love them, and treat them with respect.” It doesn’t say anywhere for women to love their husbands. Because I truly believe that if a man loves and honors a woman, she will love and honor him back. I think that that’s just how were all wired. But that’s just me…what do I know?

[laughter]

M: I definitely agree with that.

F: Here’s the thing, if there’s an issue, just based on the way that we’re wired as men and women, often times, if the man does not take responsibility to make that step, the step is not going to happen. I mean, that’s just how I think of it. As a man you’re sometimes responsible for things that aren’t your fault.

[laughter]

F: That’s just part of the package.

M: And sometimes you’re responsible for things that ARE your fault.

F: That’s true.

[laughter]

F: But either way you’re responsible.

[laughter]

I: Well thank you guys very much, that concludes my Black Marital Relations interview. I appreciate your time…thanks!

The Perfect Description

Reading this book called The White Woman on the Green Bicycle, I came across this beautiful dialogue and had to share.

It begins with a daughter asking her father the secret to staying married for a long time:

"Why did you marry mum?"

"Because she was a dish."

"The world is full of beautiful women. Why her?"

"She was for me."

"What do you mean?"

"Your mother filled up the frame. I couldnt see anyone else but her, no one around her or past her."

"Did that ever wear off?"

"No, it got worse."

"How?"

"Well, then love comes. You can fancy lots of other people. But the heart is small and fussy: it knows exactly who it wants. You only have room in it to love one or two people in a lifetime."




**maybe im just a sap...but i thought his answer was absolutely perfect. such a beautiful thing. ::sighs::

Morning Thoughts

I dont think I've met him yet.

Who? My husband.

Dont get me wrong...I've been head over heels in love. In fact, I still am [but thats another post]. Its just...all of the guys I've met have been selfish as hell. When I look at my parents relationship...they love each other unconditionally. Even when they fight. Even when they argue. Its all irrelevant to them. Their love shines through and they never let the bullshit affect their family. They get over it. They realize that they have to work hard to get all that they want out of their relationship...and they have no problem doing so. They share a common goal. They compromise.

I've never met someone who was willing to do that for me...or I them. The dudes I've met havent been husband material. That kind of scares me. Sure I've met someone that I would absolutely adore spending my life with....but deep down I know it wouldnt be right. He's too selfish to love me the way that I need him to. Hell, he's too selfish to love me the way that he wants to.

The good thing is...I think I'll know it when I finally do meet him. The one guy who will make all of the others seem insignificant. The man willing to work for our love.

I know he's out there.

Sometimes you have to stop forcing it. Just acknowledge that the love is gone. 

Dreamt of him all night long. Damn you first love.

A Love That Lasts.

Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher have an extraordinary story to tell.  They’ve been married for 86 years. Together, they endured the Great Depression, World War II, the Korean War, Cuban Missile Crisis and Vietnam, they have seen the impact of the Civil Rights Movement,watched man land on the moon, the dropping of the atomic bomb, lived through the terms of 15 presidents and still live to tell about it.  But there are many centenarians for whom the same holds true so what makes Herbert and Zelmyra so extraordinary?  Throughout everything, they have remained married.

Married on May 13, 1924, 105-year old Herbert, and 103-year-old Zelmyra do not pretend to know any secrets to a lasting marriage.  They have been married longer than any known living couple, had five children and have watched countless grandchildren and great-grandchildren come into the world.  They are a sweet, aging pair that will tell you truthfully that they were married because Zelmyra “did not give [Herbert] any trouble” and Herbert “was not much to look at… [but] he was quiet and kind.”  After 86 years, they remain in the home where they raised their five children, sleep in different bedrooms and love each other all the same.  They hold the world record for length of marriage for two living persons.  Is your union built to last the test of time?

Marriage Advice:

Question: You got married very young – how did u both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple?

Answer: Everyone who plants a seed & harvests the crop celebrates together. We are individuals, but accomplish more together.

Question: At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?

Answer: Remember marriage is not a contest – never keep a score. God has put the two of you together on the same team to win.

i found this article here: http://praisehouston.com/relationships/nzinga/meet-the-longest-married-couple-in-the-world/

To Whom it may Concern:

You wont talk to me, and there is no other way for me to get this off my chest. Ive been combing through each and every detail of our relationship lately...trying to figure out where things went wrong. Ive come to the conclusion that my only mistake was falling in love with a boy who wasn't ready to be in love. And yours-- falling in love with a girl who loves you unconditionally.
You see, I fell head over heels for you. I gave you my all...let you touch my spirit. You felt [and still feel] this way about me also, that's undeniable. But...it scared you. We were too young, too in love, too everything to ever possibly work. Neither one of us had had the opportunity to experience life. To date other people, to potentially fall "in love" with another before we found each other. So here we were, two kids, madly in love. You wanting to turn back time out of fear, and me ready to spend my life with you. Loving you unconditionally.
I don't think this was preventable really. We were drawn to each other. I felt my souls completion with you. Not that I was incomplete before...but I just felt content. Unstoppable even. Through everything, this feeling is the one thing that remains constant. Unconditional.
Finally your fear got the best of you. Your fear combined with your "friends." You became a follower. You let other peoples views about us control your thoughts. You let them creep into your heart. And you hurt me. Purposefully. Over and over. You said things to me I could have never envisioned coming out of your mouth. How could those words form on your tongue?! The tongue that spoke the words "I Love You," just sentences before. You treated me like a whore to impress your friends. You lied. You did all of the things you promised never to do. Yet still...I love[d] you.
See I know the real you. I know your weaknesses, your insecurities, your fears. And I know our love is real. I feel it in your touch, your kiss, your smile. I hear it in your jokes, your laugh. I see it in the way you look at me.
Fast forward to my last visit (during one of our good periods). Your brothers informed me that you loved me deeply. "You know how he is. He acts like he doesn't care about anything...but he does. That boy loves the shit out of you Jaz. Don't tell him I told you." Things I already knew. I stopped pressing "us" on you long ago. I realized that when you were ready, things would happen the way they were supposed to. You were the one initiating the hand holding. The kisses. The loving stares. It was you. And I loved every moment of it.
Still I stayed in my lane. We weren't together so I had no expectations for you. I only took what you were willing to give. No more, no less. You were my best friend. I was just happy you were willing to share a small part of yourself with me once again.
Then my accident. You didn't call to check up on me. I made excuses for you, "midterms are coming up!" I avoided peoples questions and suspicions regarding your obvious absence. You weren't there when I was worried about not being the same ever again. To get me through my flashbacks. To tell me everything would be ok. That hurt.
I decided I was going to talk to you about it when I saw you a few weeks later. I was tired of having to walk on eggshells around you out of fear that you would retreat back into your shell and we would be back at square one once again. You are famous for that you know? But opportunities came and opportunities went. You were retreating back to your old ways all on your own and I was too afraid to do anything that would completely push you over the edge. I held my tongue and enjoyed your presence.
Before we said goodbye I could tell things weren't normal. At least whatever normal was for us at that point in time. I left...and that's the last I heard of you. I texted, I called. Maybe his phone is acting up. I facebook messaged, I skyped. No....he's just ignoring me. Once again.
I am 100% positive that you do these things because you know you can. You know I can never leave things completely alone. Do you find joy in that? Does it make you feel wanted? My theory is that you think I want more from you then I actually do. Just because we are on good terms does not mean we will be the way we once were. I know that. I'm content living life one day at a time. I'm happy just enjoying your presence. You think I want so much from you, and once again, you run away scared. After all we've been through, after all these years, you'd think you would be able to verbalize your concerns to me. It hurts to know that you still don't trust or respect me enough to do that. To speak whats on your mind. Are you not grown up enough to say whats on your heart?
Even if we were never to be together romantically, I value you enough to want to maintain our friendship. I love you enough to want to see you happy. But you wont even talk to me. Were grown now. Open your mouth and speak. Even if its just to say, "I don't want to talk to you ever again." You at least owe me that much.
I know you aren't a bad person, even though you've built up this persona to make it seem like you are. Very brilliant really, coming off as the villain so that you never have to address your feelings. But I know the real you. You cant fool me. You missed my graduation. You didn't even call on my birthday. You've let the projection you've created of yourself consume you.
I need closure at least. This seems like the closest I am going to get to it. Selfish boy.
Still my dumb ass loves you....unconditionally.

Sincerely,
Me.

Living For The Weekend.

My little brother experienced his first heartbreak last week. He didnt say much about it (i found out through facebook lol) but i can tell he was upset. His first high school love.


Its funny how things seem so devastating in high school. A break up seems like the end of the world. That is....until a real life, grown up heartbreak slaps you in the face. I thought I found love in high school, I really did. Then I fell in love for real. Its crazy how your emotions mature in a few short years. The things that were oh so important back then, just dont matter anymore. You have a whole new set of wants, needs, and desires. I think the difference is...when youre grown, you are living for a goal [your purpose]. You know what you want out of life for the most part, and you begin to think of ways to make those things happen. In high school...youre living for the weekend really. "Living for the weekend" in the sense that the only things that truly matter are your friends, this party, that test, this vacation, etc. You arent thinking longterm in high school....at least I wasnt.


Things are so much easier in high school. There arent as many disappointments...because you havent really set many expectations [goals].


Sometimes I miss the days when I was simply "Living for the weekend." Although it didnt seem like it at the time, things were so much easier then; but mostly I appreciate the growth Im experiencing living for my purpose.

"Imagine me

Loving what I see when the mirror looks at me cause I..

..I imagine me

In a place of no insecurities

And I'm finally happy cause

I imagine me

Letting go of all of the ones who hurt me

Cause they never did deserve me

Can you imagine me?

Saying no to thoughts that try to control me

Remembering all you told me

Lord, can you imagine me?...

Imagine me, being free, trusting you totally

finally I can...

Imagine me

I admit it was hard to see

You being in love with someone like me

But finally I can...

Imagine me

Being strong

And not letting people break me down

You won't get that joy this time around.

Can you imagine me?

In a world where nobody has to live afraid

Because of your love fears gone away

Can you imagine me?"

-Kirk Franklin

"I've never been bitter because I've ALWAYS been loved. No matter what we go thru I know I have his heart..."

drunken [and seemingly confident] love tweets from me, your local hopeless romantic lol. Happy New Year =]

"On New Years Eve, I want you to kiss me at 11:59 & not finish that kiss until 12:01. I'd have a perfect ending and a perfect beginning."

what a perfect thought!

Our Aura.

up late...yearning to have a heart to heart with you.
i dont even know what i would say.
but just the opportunity to hear your voice
would put my mind at ease.
we could even sit on the phone in silence.
the knowledge that youre there on the other end,
patiently waiting for me
would make my night.

why are things so different?
why so many off days??
they are all so easy to forget once i get ahold of your smile...
your kiss, your touch, your aura.

your aura...
do you realize how beautiful it is?
i glow when im in its presence.
it rubs off on me.
it is illuminated through my smile...
my kiss, my touch, MY aura.

our aura.
so powerful and enduring.
beautiful beyond measure...
everlasting.

Someone to Call My Own

i think id like to be in a relationship.

"i like the whole im single, have fun, do what i want thing...but i love the whole im taken, he loves me, im his girl thing."

im not rushing anything tho. when i find the one ill know it..and it will happen on its own. but i cant wait till it does. whoever is granted the opportunity to be my hunny will probably be spoiled rotten lol.

im 20 yrs old. biologically..this is the time our bodies are searching for mates and life partners.

i dont have time for games.

if you cant see your self with me in the long run, we can be friends..but thats about it. dont waste my time.

the next time i fall in love...it will be a forever love. i promise you.

Live Well, Love Well, Leave Better.

I went to a memorial service today for Theo Smalling, a fellow hamptonian. it was beautiful.

I realized something today. While in college, you dont realize that people have lives at home. You dont realize that the people you encounter on a daily basis have people back home who love and support them. That they are someones son/daughter,cousin,friend, even hero. You dont realize that by simply attending school, by making it thus far, they have made their parents/families overwhemingly proud.

We dont think about that.

The people ive encountered at Hampton University actually had lives before becoming Hamptonians. WOW. And the majority of them will have lives after they leave HU. WOW.

And then i realized. We dont REALLY know one another. You have no clue what someone has gone through in the past. You dont know their aspirations for the future. All you know is now.

The things you do now have the potential to create lasting impressions. You can change someones life after a 5 minute encounter. You can unknowingly make someone smile everyday. People can fall in love with your now, and may carry that moment into forever.

Each and everyday, you should live to your full potential. Think to yourself, if today was my last...would my family be proud of the person ive become? Would they be proud of both the then and the now?

*Would I be proud of myself?*

Theo's basketball coach said something that i think i will carry with me forever. Something I wish to pass on to my own children, and to anyone who will listen. Live well, love well, and leave better.

Whatever you choose to do in your life, make sure you leave this world better than it was when you got here.

This...

distractions work for a while...but one thing always remains the same.

this yearning, this hope, this love..

i cant shake this feeling

day 13.

Like My Daddy

So i had a good talk with my daddy last night..i told him everything.

He didnt quite tell me what i wanted to hear...but i guess thats part of the reason that i love him so much. He doesnt sugarcoat anything.

He told me that from here things can go one of two ways. You could be mad for a while, and then hit me up when youre ready...or you could get over me.

ouch.

He told me that it would be hard to understand because im a woman...and hes right. I cant imagine being so in love with someone, that i would give it all up over something so minuscule. How could i walk away from something that i know in my heart is right, all over some bullshit?

He said that its not like that with men (especially the young ones)...they have the 'if she leaves, let her go' mentality.

But sometimes, dont you have to set your pride aside to get something that you love? I know its hard sometimes, but arent you supposed to fight? How could you possibly just walk away so easily?

I dont know..

I do know that i needed that reality check. I know how i feel...and i realize that if its real, things will work themselves out. No need to stress whats already written in the stars right?

..day 8

I love my daddy. (Beyonce- Daddy, on repeat)

Thanks For the Memories.

have you ever had a memory so perfect, that you wish you could bask in its greatness forever?

a moment where time stood still, and all that was apparent was you and your happiness (whatever that may be).

have you ever dreaded returning back to reality, because you knew that once you did, nothing would be the same? once its gone, there is no way to regain the intensity you felt just seconds before.

sometimes i wish that i could live in my memories forever (the good ones of course). that i could remember exactly how it felt when you took my hand. that i could still feel the traces left behind by your kiss. that i could simply hold you into eternity.

but its impossible.

time is fleeting, and try as i might, i cant dream forever.

soon i wake up, and realize that all we have are memories, things arent so perfectly perfect, and perhaps im the only one who is holding on to what has already been.

thanks for the memories...i guess.