To Whom it may Concern:

You wont talk to me, and there is no other way for me to get this off my chest. Ive been combing through each and every detail of our relationship lately...trying to figure out where things went wrong. Ive come to the conclusion that my only mistake was falling in love with a boy who wasn't ready to be in love. And yours-- falling in love with a girl who loves you unconditionally.
You see, I fell head over heels for you. I gave you my all...let you touch my spirit. You felt [and still feel] this way about me also, that's undeniable. But...it scared you. We were too young, too in love, too everything to ever possibly work. Neither one of us had had the opportunity to experience life. To date other people, to potentially fall "in love" with another before we found each other. So here we were, two kids, madly in love. You wanting to turn back time out of fear, and me ready to spend my life with you. Loving you unconditionally.
I don't think this was preventable really. We were drawn to each other. I felt my souls completion with you. Not that I was incomplete before...but I just felt content. Unstoppable even. Through everything, this feeling is the one thing that remains constant. Unconditional.
Finally your fear got the best of you. Your fear combined with your "friends." You became a follower. You let other peoples views about us control your thoughts. You let them creep into your heart. And you hurt me. Purposefully. Over and over. You said things to me I could have never envisioned coming out of your mouth. How could those words form on your tongue?! The tongue that spoke the words "I Love You," just sentences before. You treated me like a whore to impress your friends. You lied. You did all of the things you promised never to do. Yet still...I love[d] you.
See I know the real you. I know your weaknesses, your insecurities, your fears. And I know our love is real. I feel it in your touch, your kiss, your smile. I hear it in your jokes, your laugh. I see it in the way you look at me.
Fast forward to my last visit (during one of our good periods). Your brothers informed me that you loved me deeply. "You know how he is. He acts like he doesn't care about anything...but he does. That boy loves the shit out of you Jaz. Don't tell him I told you." Things I already knew. I stopped pressing "us" on you long ago. I realized that when you were ready, things would happen the way they were supposed to. You were the one initiating the hand holding. The kisses. The loving stares. It was you. And I loved every moment of it.
Still I stayed in my lane. We weren't together so I had no expectations for you. I only took what you were willing to give. No more, no less. You were my best friend. I was just happy you were willing to share a small part of yourself with me once again.
Then my accident. You didn't call to check up on me. I made excuses for you, "midterms are coming up!" I avoided peoples questions and suspicions regarding your obvious absence. You weren't there when I was worried about not being the same ever again. To get me through my flashbacks. To tell me everything would be ok. That hurt.
I decided I was going to talk to you about it when I saw you a few weeks later. I was tired of having to walk on eggshells around you out of fear that you would retreat back into your shell and we would be back at square one once again. You are famous for that you know? But opportunities came and opportunities went. You were retreating back to your old ways all on your own and I was too afraid to do anything that would completely push you over the edge. I held my tongue and enjoyed your presence.
Before we said goodbye I could tell things weren't normal. At least whatever normal was for us at that point in time. I left...and that's the last I heard of you. I texted, I called. Maybe his phone is acting up. I facebook messaged, I skyped. No....he's just ignoring me. Once again.
I am 100% positive that you do these things because you know you can. You know I can never leave things completely alone. Do you find joy in that? Does it make you feel wanted? My theory is that you think I want more from you then I actually do. Just because we are on good terms does not mean we will be the way we once were. I know that. I'm content living life one day at a time. I'm happy just enjoying your presence. You think I want so much from you, and once again, you run away scared. After all we've been through, after all these years, you'd think you would be able to verbalize your concerns to me. It hurts to know that you still don't trust or respect me enough to do that. To speak whats on your mind. Are you not grown up enough to say whats on your heart?
Even if we were never to be together romantically, I value you enough to want to maintain our friendship. I love you enough to want to see you happy. But you wont even talk to me. Were grown now. Open your mouth and speak. Even if its just to say, "I don't want to talk to you ever again." You at least owe me that much.
I know you aren't a bad person, even though you've built up this persona to make it seem like you are. Very brilliant really, coming off as the villain so that you never have to address your feelings. But I know the real you. You cant fool me. You missed my graduation. You didn't even call on my birthday. You've let the projection you've created of yourself consume you.
I need closure at least. This seems like the closest I am going to get to it. Selfish boy.
Still my dumb ass loves you....unconditionally.

Sincerely,
Me.