Who is She to You?

Who is she to you?

A question that so many of us have found ourselves asking time and time again. Always in the back of our minds, the past continuously coincides with our futures. No matter how hard we try, no matter how fast we run, we cannot escape ourselves.

The past is what makes me who i am. I came to the conclusion a few days ago that i dont regret anything thats ever happened to me. All of the heartaches, all of the pain, all of the laughs and lessons learned all make me me. They are the reason that i am able to hold my head high today. The reason i glide when i walk...the reason i am ready for other people to notice the beauty thats been within me all along.

The past defines our relationships. His past, her past, your past all become one the moment that you trust another person with your heart. The things he learned from her, he will carry on and share with you. The mistakes you made with him, you will try your hardest to do things differently this time around. The past should ultimately help you grow into the woman (or man) that you want to be. Both your trials and triumphs will help mold you into the perfect imperfection that someone is longing for.

What do you do, however, when the past is hindering the growth of your relationship? Its not that he has given any cause for alarm, but that she is still trying to fight her way into your picture perfect frame.

As a woman, i am extremely receptive. I notice and remember EVERYTHING. Its not that i go out of my way to be a private eye, i just cant help it....its in my DNA.

What we dont pick up on, our friends do. They become our eyes when we are blind and our ears when we are deaf. Friendship is a beautiful and necessary part of life. But its almost as dangerous as it is wonderful. Friends can "help" you discover things that you never really needed to notice. They put thoughts (and sometimes lies) in your head in an attempt to help you. Just to ensure that you wont get hurt again. Unknowingly pushing you straight into heartbreaks arms.

Pre-heartbreak comes distress. Your past is on my mind nonstop. I find myself asking the same question over and over again: Who is She to You??? Each day, my distress grows a little more, while i struggle to maintain my smile....to ignore it. I realize that i can not erase the past, and i never will attempt to. But i cant help feeling like your past should have some level of respect for your future. I shouldnt have to feel uneasy every time youre not with me. I should be able to trust you freely and whole heartily.

...But your past is causing me to slip into my old ways. Its giving me reason to reconnect with all of the tendencies and emotions that i thought i had left behind. Your past is pushing me further into mine.

You have a decision to make.

Back Then They Didnt Want Me...

Why is it that people dont appreciate what they have until its gone? Yea it may sound a little cliche, but really think about it. Im sure all of us can come up with at least one instance where we wanted something simply because of the 'if i cant have you, no one can!' take on life.

Ive undergone alot of personal growth throughout the past year [which you have all witnessed]. Im so much more comfortable with who i am as a person. I carry myself differently. I smile more. I appreciate everyday that God gives me. And i think it really shows.

Over the last few months, almost every man that Ive ever been involved with in my past has come figuratively, knocking at my door...ironically around the same time that I began to fall for someone new.

"youre the one that got away"

"my biggest regret is letting you get away"

"ive always loved you."

womp mutha effin womp....believe me, ive heard it all before.

At first, i was flattered. All of the attention that i was suddenly getting made me feel special. I mean, what girl doesnt dream of a man who hurt her saying 'baby, i was an idiot...you were the best thing that ever happened to me!' But then i started thinking...why now?

What was it that suddenly knocked some sense through his thick skull? Was it that he truly realized that he had a deep love for me? Was it that his new relationship just wasnt working out? Or was it that he simply saw how happy i was--with someone else?

Regardless of his reasoning...ladies, remember that people are in your past for a reason. At one point, he didnt live up to your expectations, he hurt you, and/or he didnt appreciate the love that you gave him. Im not saying that all break ups are permanent. It is possible for two people who were in love at one point, to fall in love again.

But that doesnt mean you should make it easy for him. Protect your heart. Tell him that in order for you to even think about letting him back into your life, hes really going to have to show you that hes changed. Dont feel like you have to be intimate with him...ultimately you are in control. You control how hes going to treat you. You control whether hes going to have to the power to break your heart again. Make him work for your forgiveness.

Dont drop the new man in your life for a past love. Your new man has been there for you...hes helped pick up the pieces that your old man left behind. Hes enabled you to love again. Dont forget all that hes done for you! And dont give up your new life for someone who didnt appreciate your old one. No matter what sweet nothings hes whispering into your ear now, remember all the bullshit he was spittin back in the day. All of the lies, all of the broken promises.

Keep all of this in mind when your past comes knocking at your door.

"Back then they didnt want me...now Im hot, they all on me."