Sticky Fingers.

have you ever had a friend thats just extra touchy feely?? you try not to hurt his feelings (because thats your friend) but it gets to the point that you are physically uncomfortable..

i have.

its so awkward. grabbing my waist (and ass), kissing my shoulders, cuffin in the club -__-

how do you tell someone to leave you alone without ruining a friendship? ive tried jokingly saying, "oh boy u better stop!" and when that didnt work i tried the serious approach, "im serious...get OFF of me!!"

i know hes drunk..but come on man.

its not scary to the point that i think he would cause me any physical harm. i know hes not that kind of guy. but i dont think that i should have to feel uncomfortable while im out with friends trying to have a good time.

this has happened to me on more than one occasion with more than one guy friend. NO im not giving off any signals, because im not attracted to these guys in any way,shape, or form. im nice...and friendly...but do i really look that damn approachable?!

suggestions?

im not much of a party girl.

but when i do i get the urge to shake my ass i get really excited lol. i absolutely love getting dolled up. thats probably my favorite part. as we speak (or as i type) im chilling on my couch...hair pin curled, nails drying...phase 1 of my beautification process.

p.s. ive recently fallen in love with this american apparel nail polish...purple 6!

Life Lessons

Sometimes you learn life lessons in the most unexpected ways.

Let me start by sharing that i am somewhat of a performer. I have about 11 years of tap, jazz, ballet, and african dance lessons under my belt. As well as 4 years of cheerleading and about 6 years of stepping. I basically grew up on the stage lol.

During all of the sweat, blood, tears, and COUNTLESS hours of practice, i had no clue that i was learning so much more than how to throw the perfect basket toss or how to master a crisp, clear time step.

it wasnt until recently that i realized i had been learning little lessons that will stay with me for life.

1) If you dont perform at your best each and every time you practice...you WILL lose your spot. Performing taught me that there is always someone ready, willing, and capable of taking your spot. Nothing in life is guaranteed to anyone.

2) Hard work beats talent when talent doesnt work hard enough. In life, there will always be someone who is better than you. At least thats the case 9 times out of 10. The only way to set yourself apart from the rest is to exhibit your drive and determination. How badly do you really want this? Work hard enough and you will find yourself front row center!!

****dont forget life lesson number one though! no position is permanent!

3) Hold your head up high. Whenever she caught someone dancing with their eyes to the floor my dance instructor would say, 'Are you dirt???' (No Ms. Vanessa) 'Then why are you associating yourself with dirt??? Thats what's on the floor right???' Not making eye contact with people is a sign of insecurity, a sign of weakness. Even if you are doubting yourself, SMILE. Be animated, stand tall. I bet you no one (but you lol) will notice your butterflies.

4) You dont always get what you deserve. Sometimes you will fail regardless of how much effort you put into a task. And thats ok. Failure is what gives one the strength to master life lessons 1-3. Life isnt fair and you shouldnt expect it to be.

Who knew that performing would have such a lasting impact on my life?? hmm.

"On New Years Eve, I want you to kiss me at 11:59 & not finish that kiss until 12:01. I'd have a perfect ending and a perfect beginning."

what a perfect thought!

Ambitious Girl.

"...Ambitious Girl...

I'm in love with your business

and your productivity is the reason I interest, ambitious girl

see, I like the person that you are,

but I'm in love with the person that you have potential to be..."

-Wale

Happy.

im happy.

even when things arent going my way...im happy. thats saying alot for me. im so proud of myself for regaining my self control. things havent turned out the way they did in the past....but im ok with that. im young...and i have total and complete faith that what is meant to be will be.

i do believe that things will work out a certain way...i feel it in my heart. but if they dont...i will be ok. i know that you cant always be with your soulmate (although it is ideal). and i know that my love for him will never change (its unconditional).

i am head over heels in love with MYSELF and thats the most important thing.

...i know i will always be there for me.

its a wonderful feeling really. i feel like ive finally found myself...like ive finally grown into the miraculous woman i was destined to be.

sweet.

Just a Thought.

i dont take shit from anybody.

seriously its nothing for me to cut someone off.

but with you??.....

yea somethings never change lol

The Art of Self Control.

i need to work on exercising self control. its hard for me...im a taurus...it goes against everything we stand for! i cant help but be persistent. im determined to get what i want. smh.

i mastered the art of self control once...or at least i thought i did. i remained passive in certain instances even though i was dying to actively achieve my goal. i held my tongue and timed each move out perfectly. i made a plan and stuck to it. it worked...until i began receiving the positive results id been longing for.

that positive feedback destroyed all of my progress. i got so wrapped up in the feeling of accomplishment that i failed to see my plan all the way through. and now im back at square one.

what drives me is the knowledge that not all hope is lost. that i can and WILL achieve my goal one day...sooner than later depending on how well i go about everything.

ive grown so much the past few years. but this remains my handicap. i have too much drive, too much passion...it becomes overbearing due to my lack of control.

i guess its never too late to start all over...right?

Our Aura.

up late...yearning to have a heart to heart with you.
i dont even know what i would say.
but just the opportunity to hear your voice
would put my mind at ease.
we could even sit on the phone in silence.
the knowledge that youre there on the other end,
patiently waiting for me
would make my night.

why are things so different?
why so many off days??
they are all so easy to forget once i get ahold of your smile...
your kiss, your touch, your aura.

your aura...
do you realize how beautiful it is?
i glow when im in its presence.
it rubs off on me.
it is illuminated through my smile...
my kiss, my touch, MY aura.

our aura.
so powerful and enduring.
beautiful beyond measure...
everlasting.

The Black American Color Spectrum.

Today I woke up to a not so intense debate about light skinned girls. I dont care much about the complexion debate....but i like to argue so i joined in. I guess you can say i was playing devil's advocate.

I grew up not realizing how strongly people truly felt about complexion. I was in no way ignorant, I understood the history of complexion debates, but I thought that it was limited to light and dark skinned. I didnt know that there was an 'in-between' stage when it came to color. And quite frankly, it didnt really matter to me.

It wasnt until I became a student at Hampton University that I started questioning my color. Id always thought I was light skinned...hell Id always been referred to as light skinned. My peers however introduced me to a new term.."brown skinned" LOL, what?? To me this was not a historical term....at all. I mean in the past you were either light or dark....a house nigger or a field nigger. Right?


I believe the term 'brown skinned' has done nothing but confuse us. Who created this color spectrum? If you divide complexion into three parts, isnt it only natural to divide it further? Wouldnt that make me 'dark-light skinned' or 'light-brown skinned' on the Black American Color Spectrum?

And then an even greater question arises. WHO CARES? Ive never let my complexion define me. Why is it that so many people do? I love my skin...i think its the perfect caramel blend of amazingness lol, but it does not make or break me OR the love that I have for myself.

But perhaps this same confusion about my complexion has helped me. Ive managed to maintain my jovial attitude about the whole issue. Peoples comments rarely make me mad. In fact if I do choose sides during a complexion debate 9 times out of 10 its just for fun. I dont care what people say about light, brown, or dark skinned girls because according to the categories on the Black American Color Spectrum, I dont fit into any of these places.

Im somewhere floating in the air between light and brown, in the small section where caramel would be if it were allowed into the debate.

Let me also point out that color issues are hardly just a Black American problem. Sadly this debate is seen in many other cultures as well. In fact in some cultures its not unheard of for ones family to disown an individual for being "too dark". In Indian culture darker people are viewed as stupid and extremely inferior. Dont be fooled into thinking that Black Americans are the only people who are SOC (stuck on color).

You Snooze, You Lose.

the problem is...

i cared alot when you cared a little. now that you care alot, im not sure how i feel.

hmm.

Too many chiefs, not enough Indians.

Too many chiefs, not enough Indians.

The past few weeks have been so stressful. Its so frustrating being involved with a project and not having the final say in how things are done.

LOL call me selfish...whatever. I like things done properly and efficiently.

Sitting around for hours while a hundred people try to dictate to one another....UGH!! I dont know about everyone else....but I dont have time to waste.

Im interested to see how all of this will turn out.

hmm..

The Original Bad Bitch.

Today i saw the movie "Monkey Business." An old black and white romantic comedy. I LOVED it omg! the fashion from the era was ridiculous....like seriously...if you want to know what a real bad bitch is check out some chicks from the 1950's. The hair, the clothes, the bright red lipstick..bomb.

i think what really set their style of was the way that the women carried themselves. So classy and sophisticated. They werent afraid to have a little fun. They were sexy as hell while being fully clothed. What a concept.

Marilyn Monroe was featured on the cover of this movie....she wasnt even the main character! I dont even think she was in half of the scenes..but they gave it to her because she was just that bad.

Sigh...i wonder if women will ever be able to get back to that.

Just A Pretty Face.

sometimes...its ok to just be you. nothing more nothing less.

this came into my head while i was looking through the recent albums of some of my facebook friends. i cant believe how many girls are trying to be models! album after album of you at the park or in a random room....wow.

i hate to be the bearer of bad news...but not every pretty girl can be a model. be realistic. if youre 4'8...youre not going to make it big in the fashion industry. if youre paying for all of your own photoshoots....youre not a model. and chances are...you arent going to be.

one of my facebook friends described these girls as extreme picture takers. LMAO.

by no means am i being a hater. most of the extreme picture takers i know are gorgeous. but in this case...i think its okay just to be a pretty face. its ok to be the pretty, smart lawyer...or teacher...or CEO. you dont HAVE to be "the pretty model".

idk...maybe im making a big deal over nothing. whatevs.

that ish is for the birds.

ive come to the conclusion that ive made the right decision when it comes to being a doctor.

this summer im working a regular 9-5 type job...no offense to anyone...but this shit sucks. i spend my day creating spreadsheets, making phone calls, and filing papers. it amazes me that people can do this for years and years.

dont get me wrong. i totally respect the hustle..people work hard to feed, clothe, and house their families. but it aint for everybody.

if im not spending my day doing something that i love then it sorta feels like a waste of time. i literally wake up on monday like "ok....its almost friday." thats horrible lol.

i live for sundays though. i get some personal interaction with the patients in the nursing home. i love those guys. i really do feel like im brightening up their day. (smile).

THAT is what i want to do with my life. i want to make someones day just a little bit better, and make someones life a tad bit easier. i wouldnt mind working like a slave if i was doing something i love everyday.

sigh...doctor jazmyn to the rescue. im here to save the world =]

I Want That Old Thing Back...(i think??)

sometimes i think ill never be 100% happy like i was at one point in my life.

why am i such an ingrate? i mean...i have everything going for me. im in school, i have a great family, a couple of friends who are always there for me, wonderful sisters, the whole shabang. there are a ton of people in the world much worse off than me...right?

then why do i feel this way?

like im not getting everything i deserve from certain people and out of life in general =[

dont get me wrong i thank God everyday for how far Hes brought me and for everything Hes done for me. i dont understand how i can know all of this and STILL feel the way i do urghh.

i think my problem is..that im comparing my current life to my old life...and its not quite matching up. i thought some changes that i made were going to be for the better...but now im not so sure.

will i ever be able to get that old feeling back?

"You've Changed."

"You've changed."

i cant even COUNT how many times ive heard these words since ive crossed.

ive BEEN me. seriously...i may not fuck with you anymore...but that is not a result of me becoming an AKA. the people who have been following my blog from the very beginning know that ive been over the bullshit for a while.

ive been over the fake friends, the drama, the heart ache..and now that you've realized that i honestly dont care anymore..you think ive changed lol.

thats a problem.

not everything is about you. everyone (including myself) needs to keep that in mind when dealing with other people. youll drive yourself crazy trying to please the world.

it took me a while..but im glad that im living for myself now.

maybe i have changed....but id say its for the best.

im not acting brand new,im not arrogant,uppity,etc.. i still love the people who matter with my entire heart. but there is no room for negativity over here.

im finally embracing who ive been all along..and you should too.

..even if that means that you are now a part of my past.

everything that has happened throughout my life..all of the people [good and bad] that ive encountered have helped me grow into the person i am today.

and i thank you for that.

maybe i have changed...so what??

This has been a long time coming.

Someone to Call My Own

i think id like to be in a relationship.

"i like the whole im single, have fun, do what i want thing...but i love the whole im taken, he loves me, im his girl thing."

im not rushing anything tho. when i find the one ill know it..and it will happen on its own. but i cant wait till it does. whoever is granted the opportunity to be my hunny will probably be spoiled rotten lol.

im 20 yrs old. biologically..this is the time our bodies are searching for mates and life partners.

i dont have time for games.

if you cant see your self with me in the long run, we can be friends..but thats about it. dont waste my time.

the next time i fall in love...it will be a forever love. i promise you.