My [Body] Prerogative

Why is it that when a thin girl [or a girl who used to be thin] says that she wants to drop a few pounds or get in shape people look at her like she's crazy? I mean...I know I'm no where near fat. But I also know that I'm not where I'd like to be as far as my appearance. Don't I have the right to want to improve myself? To me the only thing that matters in regards to a woman's physical appearance is that she feels comfortable and healthy in her own skin.

There are a lot of things that we cant change about ourselves ladies (at least not without surgery). But I truly believe that we have complete power to overcome the things that we can change through hard work and dedication. Don't let anyone force their perception of your body on you. If you look in the mirror and aren't 100% comfortable with the things you can change...then by all means change them!

With that said, I'd like to lose about 7 pounds. Id also like to get some of my muscle tone back...mostly my stomach and my arms. Going from someone who was an extremely active teen to a not-so-active young woman is tough. But I am determined to bring my sexy back ;-)

I plan to do this by running at least three times a week and by cutting fast food out of my diet.

**Of course, I mean all this in regards to being healthy. Making a healthy and realistic decision to work on yourself is completely different than being neurotic and making changes that can do more harm than good to your body.

So Ladies, what are some of your health goals? What do you plan to do to achieve them?

How to Love.

Today is my parents 24th wedding anniversary (it is also my daddys 48th birthday!). I am forever grateful for them. They are the perfect example of what true love and compromise are. They taught me what it is to love.

This is an interview i did with them as part of a black marital relations class i took last semester (by far my favorite class EVER). Its a little long but i found some of their answers really interesting. I hope to learn from their trials and tribulations and who knows....maybe one of you will too!

**although this was a black marital relations class i think a lot of this wisdom is relevant to ALL people. I've bolded the things that I think you'd guys would care about most. enjoy!

M=mother F=father I=interviewer

I: Ok, so this is my interview for Black Marital Relations class. These are my parents, Dallas and Robin. I’m going to ask you guys a few questions…how long have you been married?

F: 23 ½ years.

I: How did you become a couple, and also what attracted you guys to each other?

F: Um…I was in typing senior year and I had some work I had to make up.

M: How do you make up typing??

F: Well…anyway (laughs) I had some work to make up and she was in the class. I asked my friend if he could try to get her number for me.

M: Instead of typing the entire class, he stood and stared at me the entire 45 minutes.

F: She acted like she didn’t see me looking at her…but I know she did!

[laughter]

M: So that’s how it all began. Right before spring break of our senior year.

I: At Hampton University…well at Hampton Institute.

M: In Phenix hall.

I: So what attracted you to him?

M: I think his eyes…I liked his droopy eyes.

I: What attracted you to her?

F: She was fine man…beautiful young lady.

[laughter]

I: So what would you identify as strengths of your marriage?

M: Communication.

F: Yea, communication. You gotta say what’s on your mind, even if the other person doesn’t want to hear it you have to say it.

I: What can you identify as some special strengths that African Americans might bring into their marital relationships?

F: Um, I don’t know if it’s an African American thing, I think it’s with any relationship that its important that you understand how each other feel about big picture things like family. If one person comes from a really close family and the other one doesn’t… if there’s not an understanding of those things before you decide to become a couple it can become an issue. If you want to have kids…what you think about kids…

M: What holidays you celebrate…all of that makes a big difference in your marriage.

I: What are some special challenges or problems that you have experienced in your marriage?

M: I think pretty much when you stand before God and say those vows, we’ve pretty much gone through every aspect of those vows in our marriage. For richer, for poorer, for better, for worse…you know all of those things are more than just words.

F: Yea and your challenges are different as you grow older. You’ve experienced different things, you are going through different things, different things bring you joy, different things are distractions depending on how old you are. So as you get older the distractions become fewer, issues become fewer…

I: Yea because you guys were married young.

F: Yes!

I: 23.

M: Very young.

F: EXTREMELY young.

[laughter]

I: Fresh out of college.

M: Pretty much…

F: Just about.

I: What can you identify as some unique challenges or problems…wait, I just asked you that didn’t I? Ok, next question. In what area do you feel that you have had to make the greatest compromise due to your marriage?

F: Wow…compromise? I don’t feel like I really had to compromise very much. I mean because you know the thing is, like I said as you get older the things you like to do change. I think when I was younger I don’t think I had to compromise, I think that was one of the things like…I liked to go out a lot, Robin didn’t like to go out as much soooo…I didn’t go out as much as I probably would have if I was single [laughs]…but she didn’t like say “ You cant go out.” That kind of thing, so I mean I don’t really feel like I had to sacrifice that much. And whatever I had to sacrifice was worth it.

[laughter]

M: Yea I don’t think I’ll elaborate on that one… [laughs]

I: I thought I asked you guys this question, but I didn’t. What can you identify as some unique challenges or problems that African American couples in general might experience?

F: Well I mean, you know we live in a society where you as an African American have many more opportunities then say your parents or grandparents did. But the things that are underlying in American society that impact African Americans are big picture things…education, employment, income, wealth. Those things have not changed. So you have to be cognoscente of those things and adjust accordingly. It makes a difference in how you raise your children and how much you make them aware of those things. But those are the things that haven’t really changed. On the surface popular culture may make you think that they have. I know there’s a Black president but the drop out rate in most districts that are predominately African American is still about 50%. And those are the things that we uniquely as African Americans against other minorities, particularly Latinos may have to deal with. Those are the foundational things…Do you agree?

M: I agree [laughs]

I: How do you manage your money? Like who pays the bills and/or decides how money will be spent and are you satisfied with this arrangement?

F: For the most part we decide how money is spent together, but she is MUCH better at handling the money than I am.

[laughter]

F: And I’m ok with that [laughs]

M: When we started out, we pretty much each had our own bank account. He was responsible for things and I was responsible for things. And um…it didn’t work so well doing it that way. So I kind of took over the finances and I pretty much  make things happen.

F: Yes she does.

M: Any major purchases that we do, we decide together. Its not like one person just goes out and…

M/F: …buys a car!

M: That’s a problem [laughs]

I: How do you handle domestic responsibilities in your family? Like, who does what? For example, care for the children, housework, etc…and also are you satisfied with this arrangement?

M: I pretty much do everything..

[laughter]

M: No, he does help. He does a lot of the outside work. Sometimes I have to remind him or you know say “why don’t you pick that up?!”

F: It’s pretty much the traditional male/female familial roles for the most part. I help out when asked or needed.

[laughter]

I: You cook breakfast on Sundays!

F: That’s right!

M: and I do appreciate it.

[laughter]

I: Do you believe in the traditional notion as a man as the head of the household? Why or why not?

F: I mean, I do simply because that’s how I was raised. As I’ve gotten older and have become more aware of the scripture, I think that’s kind of how God created everything. There are certain roles, nobody’s role is better than the other. They’re just different. That’s what I think.

M: Well that’s pretty much the same way I think. I grew up in a traditional household and I think the man should be the head of the household.

I: How do you spend your leisure time?

F: Wow…I really don’t have a whole lot of leisure time. Leisure time is just really…nothing! [laughs] Chilling!

M: Leisure time like relaxing at home and attending family events.

F: Pretty much. Like I said, as you get older you’re not trying to go out here and go out there. When you have time that you’re not working or trying to get something done, you’re just enjoying your time at home.

M: Well leisure time will change shortly because now that the kids are almost gone…one is pretty much out of the house and the other is heading that way..

F: Were almost empty nesters! That will change everything!

[laughter]

M: We’re going to start date night.

I: What things do you do on a regular basis to keep your marriage strong and healthy?

M: Pretty much just letting each other know that we love each other.

F: Yea again, communication is key.

M: We talk a lot. We laugh a lot.

F. The ritualistic kind of things, I think it’s more of a constant communication thing that makes the difference more so than saying, “We’re going to do this every Tuesday night.” Even though there’s nothing wrong with that and that’s always helpful. But I think the constant communication, give and take time together is really the thing that’s key. Being honest and true with your thoughts and treating each other with respect.

I: What do you think is/are the most important ingredients for a successful marriage?

F: I mean, you look at other people relationships, and you never really know what goes on in someone’s home, but I think that people have to understand that it aint easy! Sometimes you have to work through stuff. I mean, stuffs gonna hit the fan. It just does. That’s life. And sometimes people don’t take the time to remember why they got married. They get don’t get past those things. I think most times people could get past things, but its pride or some other thing that really don’t matter that gets in the way.

M: I think a lot of that comes with communication. Having fun together and just supporting each other.

I: What advice would you give to a black couple who is preparing for marriage that you think would increase their likelihood of having a satisfying and lasting marriage?

M: Don’t do it!! No I’m just kidding [laughs]

[laughter]

F: The thing is this, I think that people need to understand that grown folk don’t change! That’s the first thing. If you go in there and someone has a habit that you cant stand, its gonna be there.

M: It will NOT change.

F: So you need to understand that it’s a part of the package, ok? Now people do grow, and they grow out of things and they change, but it’s only when they want to change. Don’t try to change people. And if you’re mad, say you’re mad! Don’t like hold it in.

M: Right. You can’t walk around not speaking to each other.

F: Yea if you’re mad, say you’re mad.

M: Try to never go to bed angry.

F: Be careful of the words that come out of your mouth…you can’t take those back. At the same time, remember that it’s hard. Words sometimes hurt, but sometimes you have to look past the words and listen to what someone’s heart is telling you.

I: And lastly, in general, would you encourage black adult males and females to marry? Why or why not?

[laughter]

F: Yea.

M: I would.

F: Again…it aint easy and I think that people expect it to be. And that’s the fallacy. That’s the trick.

M: And not only that, I think children need both parents. I think they need to grow up in a happy house with both parents.

F: I think it even goes deeper than that. That’s the way this was designed. A man and woman are supposed to marry and become one flesh…be fruitful and multiply. That’s how it was designed. I think that if people follow the things that the Book says about how you’re supposed to deal with each other in a relationship…and this is strictly my opinion, usually the problem is that people get mad and their ego’s get in the way. Because the scripture says for husbands to love their wives. I truly believe… I firmly believe …it says “honor them, love them, and treat them with respect.” It doesn’t say anywhere for women to love their husbands. Because I truly believe that if a man loves and honors a woman, she will love and honor him back. I think that that’s just how were all wired. But that’s just me…what do I know?

[laughter]

M: I definitely agree with that.

F: Here’s the thing, if there’s an issue, just based on the way that we’re wired as men and women, often times, if the man does not take responsibility to make that step, the step is not going to happen. I mean, that’s just how I think of it. As a man you’re sometimes responsible for things that aren’t your fault.

[laughter]

F: That’s just part of the package.

M: And sometimes you’re responsible for things that ARE your fault.

F: That’s true.

[laughter]

F: But either way you’re responsible.

[laughter]

I: Well thank you guys very much, that concludes my Black Marital Relations interview. I appreciate your time…thanks!

The Perfect Description

Reading this book called The White Woman on the Green Bicycle, I came across this beautiful dialogue and had to share.

It begins with a daughter asking her father the secret to staying married for a long time:

"Why did you marry mum?"

"Because she was a dish."

"The world is full of beautiful women. Why her?"

"She was for me."

"What do you mean?"

"Your mother filled up the frame. I couldnt see anyone else but her, no one around her or past her."

"Did that ever wear off?"

"No, it got worse."

"How?"

"Well, then love comes. You can fancy lots of other people. But the heart is small and fussy: it knows exactly who it wants. You only have room in it to love one or two people in a lifetime."




**maybe im just a sap...but i thought his answer was absolutely perfect. such a beautiful thing. ::sighs::

Any Sane Man's Dream.

I have a few friends that I honestly think deserve the world...the whole entire thing. These young women are so beautiful to me, inside and out. They know what they want and although nervous [they are human] they are never too afraid to go for what they want. These are the friends that I can talk to about anything...because they never judge.

One girl isnt even a friend per se... but have you ever met someone and knew right away that they were different?? That they were destined to do huge things?? Yea...thats her.

Dont get me wrong, I am very proud of most of my friends (i wont lie...some are a little sus lol). I pray that they too will achieve whatever goals they may have. I like seeing people happy.

..But the few that inspired this post are my role models. Its weird because were all around the same age. Is it even possible to look up to someone who is the same age as you??

Strong, intelligent, young Black woman.

Beautiful Souls.

The Skin Im In.

“Look at me. I’m skinny, I have a big nose, no tits and no ass, but in a room full of beautiful women, I would still leave with the most gorgeous guy.”
- Zoe Saldana

i love this. it took me soo long to become comfortable in the skin im in. when i first got to high school, i was soo embarassed. i hated the way i looked. but by the time i turned 16, Ciara came out....and she looked like ME. petite as hell lol. but u know what? she was still a bad bitch. people loved her...they thought she was gorgeous.

thats the first time i realized that its okay to look different than everyone else. i have so much more to offer than my body. and i love it. i love me!

ladies...be comfortable in the skin youre in! your attitude and the way you carry yourself is what makes you beautiful. if youre beautiful inside, youll feel beautiful outside.

thank God for what He's blessed you with dolls. Looks dont last forever, they can be taken away in the blink of an eye.