Letting Go...?

Is there a difference between letting things go and being fake?

If you let something go without truly resolving the issue at hand.....are you really over it? Or is it in the back of your mind, weighing heavy on your heart while you smile like everything is alright?

I wish I had the answers to these questions.

Im not the type to hold on to bad feelings. Im always the one encouraging everyone to make up and get along...but this time...this time is different.

Im hurt. I've seen sides of people close to me that I never fathomed existed.

And now...now everyone is acting like things are back to normal.

Am I a bitch for thinking that they will never be normal again?

Am I horrible for not wanting them to be after the things I've seen?

Rule #3

Rule #3 You Have to Be Cruel To be Kind. 

As you all know, I've been assistant coaching JV cheerleading since July. I absolutely love it. Cheerleading is my passion. Seriously. Although I only cheered for 4 years (2 years middle school, 2 years varsity) I became quite good. AMAZINGGGGGG motions, pretty jumps, and I was a kick ass back. Im proud to say, after 4 long years of not cheering...I STILL GOT IT. Heres where this happy nostalgic story ends.

I love my JV girls. But they are EXTREMELY lazy. So lazy it annoys me. Like...we had Hell Week a few weeks ago (basically extreme boot camp) and they finished the week out amazing. Jumps were so much better, motions were....alright, they had begun doing elite stunts, they had perfect pushups (they do them every time the football team scores), and were making progress with their tumbling . I was so proud of them. 3 weeks later and they look like the bottom of my shoe. All of the hard work they (and the coaches) put in isn't apparent anymore.

What pisses me off is that they have the potential to be phenomenal. They are one of the most advanced JV teams I've ever seen. Id be perfectly fine with them looking like shit if I wasn't aware of their potential....but I am, so Im not. Im the nice coach. I try to give constructive criticism in a nice way because I know how sensitive teen girls can be. But those days are over.

I've learned that with this particular group of girls you HAVE to be a drill sergeant. I have to be cruel to be kind.

I want them to go to competition and place. Hell...I want them to go to competition and WIN. If being the mean coach is what will motivate them to get there then Im more than willing to sacrifice their 'like' towards me. I want them to take this seriously. They want to be seen as athletes, they have to work to prove they're worthy of the title.

He invaded my dreams again last night. Why wont these memories die? Why wont they leave me alone?

Its hard having friends who love spending money when youre unemployed. It actually really really really really sucks. I need a job...like yesterday.

Hope you guys are keeping me in your prayers!

Too many chiefs, not enough Indians.

Too many chiefs, not enough Indians.

The past few weeks have been so stressful. Its so frustrating being involved with a project and not having the final say in how things are done.

LOL call me selfish...whatever. I like things done properly and efficiently.

Sitting around for hours while a hundred people try to dictate to one another....UGH!! I dont know about everyone else....but I dont have time to waste.

Im interested to see how all of this will turn out.

hmm..