Lessons From Deanna.

A little over a month ago, I lost a friend very dear to me. This post isn't going to focus on the pain I felt [and still feel] as a result of her death, but instead it will focus on the lessons she taught me.

Deanna lived unapologetically.

She was herself [her goofy, loving, God-fearing self] 100% of the time. She always managed to make me smile. Even though the last time we saw each other was the first time in about seven years, it seemed like no time had passed at all.

" I want to hear about everything that's happened in your life since 2007...go!"

...And we sat there...at a table in Chevy's spilling our hearts out to one another over Mexican food and margaritas. We talked about failed relationships, and how happy we were with our current ones; we talked about how much we both hated running, but did it anyway because we wanted to look good well into our 70s. I knew then that God had placed us in each others lives for a reason. That we were soul sisters. And that I would love that girl forever.

Deanna encouraged me in my journey to form a stronger relationship with God. She posted Bible verses regularly. She prayed for me. She never judged.

Her funeral was standing room only.

I was amazed at how many people truly loved and cherished their time with her. Someone even remarked, "Deanna had a billion best friends!" And she did. She had a special way of making every single person that she came into contact with feel as if they meant the world to her. Im pretty sure she had the biggest heart in the universe.

Deanna and I didn't have many mutual friends. But when I met her inner circle for the first time [at a 4th of July bbq at her apartment] a few short days before her passing, they embraced me. It felt as if we'd known each other forever. And I thought to myself...wow...an entire group of people just like Deanna!

I know we all hear the phrase, "You are who you surround yourself with," but I'd never actually witnessed it until this moment. Deanna taught me to keep my circle strong. To form relationships with people who will inspire me. People who will pray with and for me. People who will drive 2-3 hours just to see me and attend a small bbq. People who will make me want to be a better me. People I can both teach, and learn from.

She taught me that it's okay to have a billion friends. Of course quality> quantity, but because of her, I will not place limits on my love or friendship. There's more than enough room in my life for quality friends. Adversely, there is absolutely no room in my life for not-so-great friends. There are way too many people in this world for me to settle for crappy friends.

Deanna taught me that it's okay to share whats on your heart. You never know how your testimony will affect someone else. Share your joy, your heartaches, your accomplishments, your struggles...share your love.

Deanna taught me to go big or go home. Our days here on the Earth are numbered. What legacy will you leave behind? Will you have accomplished all of the things that you wanted you? If any of you are like me, you have a habit of saying, "...I'll start tomorrow." This way of thinking is so toxic. If you can start now, do it! Don't let fear drive you. Chase your dreams with all of your heart and soul...today.

Finally, Deanna taught me the true meaning of, "people are placed in your life for a reason, a season, or for a lifetime." I met a girl on twitter probably a year or so ago. We bonded over our blogs and quickly connected. Maybe I knew that she was Deanna's friend at that time, but it was a fleeting thought...the origin of our connection was completely lost to me. When Deanna passed, I saw it on twitter. A tweet sent by my blog-sister-friend. She sent me her number immediately and became an instant source of comfort.

She held my hand at the burial. Her on one side, my boyfriend on the other. Im forever grateful for her support. Her guidance. Her love.

In the midst of losing one sister, God sent me another.

Looking back, God [with the help of Deanna] placed us in one another's lives for a reason. He did so over a year ago, with this exact moment in mind. The entire time, he ordered our steps and allowed us to find one another. He knew I would need her soon, and vice versa.

Thank you so much, Deanna. I know you didn't realize that you were doing all of this for me at the time, but I am forever grateful. I carry you in my heart, my hopes, my dreams...always and forever. I love you my Twinny.

Its hard having friends who love spending money when youre unemployed. It actually really really really really sucks. I need a job...like yesterday.

Hope you guys are keeping me in your prayers!

Im Just a Sinner.

..and i know its wrong to want to see someone fail. and im trying not to feel this way.

but honestly. i dont want you to be happy. i feel that way from the very bottom of my heart.

it makes me sick feeling this way.

but if you denied me my fairytale, why should you have yours?!

karma karma karma.

it sucks knowing what Jesus would want you to do..knowing how He would want you to think. but not being able to change no matter how hard you try.

im just a sinner. =[

and ill pray on it. and ill try, i really will, to wish you well.

but for now it is what it is.

LessThan3

Hey my loves! I know ive been gone for a while....but im back with a vengeance!

Ive been feeling so lovey dovey lately..its kind of gross lol. I LOVE the feeling though. There is no better feeling than when you put your guard down and simply allow yourself to fall...trust me. I love that my friends are experiencing the same things that I am...and im happy for them.

Its not easy, but you can do it! Weve all felt hopeless before. Unlovable. Unattractive. Un-everything. But sweetheart, if you dont learn to love yourself first how can you possibly expect him to love you? Everyone should take this summer and make it productive as hell. Work on your self-confidence..become comfortable being alone..try to understand who you are. The summer of self exploration.

Learn to ask God not for what you want, but for the strength to make it through each day. One at a time, step by step.Dont focus on your flaws (everyone has them!)and what other people think of them, instead focus on how you can improve on yourself for your own happiness. I guarantee you will wake up each morning with a whole new outlook on life. Become strong. You'll feel different but you'll also look different. People will begin noticing that brand new glow that youre giving off.

Once you fall in love with yourself you'll be able to truly open your heart up to another. A man loves a woman with confidence, and your new found aura may just set his world on fire!!

Lets start a movement ladies...its called the LessThan3 (<3) movement. Lets all fall in love...with ourselves!!