Lessons From Deanna.

A little over a month ago, I lost a friend very dear to me. This post isn't going to focus on the pain I felt [and still feel] as a result of her death, but instead it will focus on the lessons she taught me.

Deanna lived unapologetically.

She was herself [her goofy, loving, God-fearing self] 100% of the time. She always managed to make me smile. Even though the last time we saw each other was the first time in about seven years, it seemed like no time had passed at all.

" I want to hear about everything that's happened in your life since 2007...go!"

...And we sat there...at a table in Chevy's spilling our hearts out to one another over Mexican food and margaritas. We talked about failed relationships, and how happy we were with our current ones; we talked about how much we both hated running, but did it anyway because we wanted to look good well into our 70s. I knew then that God had placed us in each others lives for a reason. That we were soul sisters. And that I would love that girl forever.

Deanna encouraged me in my journey to form a stronger relationship with God. She posted Bible verses regularly. She prayed for me. She never judged.

Her funeral was standing room only.

I was amazed at how many people truly loved and cherished their time with her. Someone even remarked, "Deanna had a billion best friends!" And she did. She had a special way of making every single person that she came into contact with feel as if they meant the world to her. Im pretty sure she had the biggest heart in the universe.

Deanna and I didn't have many mutual friends. But when I met her inner circle for the first time [at a 4th of July bbq at her apartment] a few short days before her passing, they embraced me. It felt as if we'd known each other forever. And I thought to myself...wow...an entire group of people just like Deanna!

I know we all hear the phrase, "You are who you surround yourself with," but I'd never actually witnessed it until this moment. Deanna taught me to keep my circle strong. To form relationships with people who will inspire me. People who will pray with and for me. People who will drive 2-3 hours just to see me and attend a small bbq. People who will make me want to be a better me. People I can both teach, and learn from.

She taught me that it's okay to have a billion friends. Of course quality> quantity, but because of her, I will not place limits on my love or friendship. There's more than enough room in my life for quality friends. Adversely, there is absolutely no room in my life for not-so-great friends. There are way too many people in this world for me to settle for crappy friends.

Deanna taught me that it's okay to share whats on your heart. You never know how your testimony will affect someone else. Share your joy, your heartaches, your accomplishments, your struggles...share your love.

Deanna taught me to go big or go home. Our days here on the Earth are numbered. What legacy will you leave behind? Will you have accomplished all of the things that you wanted you? If any of you are like me, you have a habit of saying, "...I'll start tomorrow." This way of thinking is so toxic. If you can start now, do it! Don't let fear drive you. Chase your dreams with all of your heart and soul...today.

Finally, Deanna taught me the true meaning of, "people are placed in your life for a reason, a season, or for a lifetime." I met a girl on twitter probably a year or so ago. We bonded over our blogs and quickly connected. Maybe I knew that she was Deanna's friend at that time, but it was a fleeting thought...the origin of our connection was completely lost to me. When Deanna passed, I saw it on twitter. A tweet sent by my blog-sister-friend. She sent me her number immediately and became an instant source of comfort.

She held my hand at the burial. Her on one side, my boyfriend on the other. Im forever grateful for her support. Her guidance. Her love.

In the midst of losing one sister, God sent me another.

Looking back, God [with the help of Deanna] placed us in one another's lives for a reason. He did so over a year ago, with this exact moment in mind. The entire time, he ordered our steps and allowed us to find one another. He knew I would need her soon, and vice versa.

Thank you so much, Deanna. I know you didn't realize that you were doing all of this for me at the time, but I am forever grateful. I carry you in my heart, my hopes, my dreams...always and forever. I love you my Twinny.

A Wish, A Hope, A Thought.

"sometimes you pray by accident. a wish, a hope. a thought."- The White Woman on the Green Bicycle

Last year one of my New Year's resolutions was to pray daily. I've always had a relationship with God, but once I went to college it sort of dwindled. Being a hard headed teenager, I thought I could figure things out by myself. I mean seriously...how could God help me ace that ridiculous organic chemistry test? How could He heal my broken heart? What does HE know about boys?

Dont get me wrong. I definitely acknowledged all of the great things that He did for me, but I felt like when it came to making things happen in my life I was on my own. It was my responsibility to figure things out....alone.

I'd find myself praying if and only if shit hit the fan. And I'd be angry. "Im a GOOD person, I have a GOOD heart!!! Why God? Why are you letting this happen to me?!"

Then it hit me...I needed to not only put my trust in God, but I needed to let Him know that I trusted Him. I needed to thank Him for the things that He did for me daily, and to pray for the things I wanted to accomplish in the future. I needed to stop living the 'woe is me' lifestyle and take charge of my life. I needed to be proactive.

The day that I began actively praying was the best day of my life. Im happier than I've ever been. I've stopped sweating the little things. I now count my blessings and not my misfortunes. I realize that everything happens for a reason and that what God has in store for me is amazingly worthwhile. The road to my destiny may not be easy, but I now know that every single thing that happens to me on it is designed to make my victory sweeter. Nothing is by chance.

This year when I sat down to make my New Year's resolution, I couldn't really come up with anything profound. Although there are a ton of little things that I need to work on, I don't think any can match my decision to strengthen my relationship with God. This relationship has encouraged me to better myself daily. Life is easier now. Im growing, living, laughing, and loving. Im all smiles.

Happy New Year everyone!! What has been your most life changing NYR?