i hadnt cried in a long while...until today.

just when i think im doing good...i see some shit that breaks my heart...literally.

"Never ignore a person who loves you and cares for you. One day you may realize you've lost the moon while counting the stars."

**ironic that i came across this quote today.

My Struggle.

im learning to pick and choose my battles.

or at least im attempting to learn. im so driven by emotion that its hard for me to control my actions sometimes. i ask things i shouldnt ask, say things i shouldnt say, tweet things i shouldnt tweet, etc.

i have to learn that i cant always get what i want. i cant have my cake and eat it too. i cant expect someone to do things that i myself am not willing to do.

its hard. and im hurt. but im just going to hand it all over to God.

i have to realize that what he does at this point is absolutely none of my business =\

Understanding

the worst thing is knowing, that no matter how much you love someone...he will never love you the same.

that he doesnt care enough to make sure youre okay.

..i cant do it anymore.

youd think id run out of tears by now...but theyre still here.

Lonely Pain.

sometimes i wish i had a best friend. a hard core one.

ive had so many throughout the yrs...but none who have remained constant.

i dont usually tell all my business...but i think it would nice to have someone there...just in case i decided to.

im so lonely lately. even in a room full of people. its like im sitting in darkness. like somethings missing.

i thought id found one...finally. but theyve been playing me as of late---at the time when i need them the most. i dont know why..i dont understand it.

it hurts.

when you think you have someone, and they suddenly disappear..you realize you have no one but yourself.lonely pain is the worst pain, im convinced.

i think maybe ive been alone for some time now...i just didnt realize it.

my heart aches.