Every Little Thing That We Do..

...Should be between me and you.

In an age where there are a billion ways to communicate one of the most difficult relationship hurdles has to be learning how to keep your relationship private. Not everyone needs to know your business. In fact, the more people who know the most intimate details of your relationship (positive or negative), the easier it is for people to tear you down. Most people dont have your best interest at heart already...why make it easier for them by entertaining games? Why would you be the ROOT of the drama? Newsflash:: people arent laughing with you...theyre laughing at you.

People who thrive off of drama and/or popularity are like C list celebrities. Every few months they pull off "publicity stunts" in order to keep those around them interested in their lives. They desperately want need to stay significant. This can go either way. You can gloat to the world about how absolutely wonderful your love life is...or you can go off about the issues plaguing it. Either way, most people could give a fuck less. Its nothing more than entertainment and some people will even pretend to care so that they can get even more juicy details.

These C listers have sparked my curiosity. What is it that makes them so thirsty for acknowledgement? Is their relationship so dry that they are simply looking for ways to jazz it up? Do they need the approval of their peers to ensure them that they are making the correct life choices? Does this build their self esteem? Or is it simply a scheme to assure the pubic that their relationship is and will be successful?

Personally, I think its time to question your relationships validity if it has become 25% love, 50% proving other people wrong, and 25% publicity stunts.

When it gets to the point that you are college educated [or over the age of 20] and are engaging in internet drama its time to reevaluate your goals. Ask yourself "How old is too old to act like I have no damn sense? When is it time to grow up?"

In the Blink of an Eye

Recently, my school has lost a fellow student.

It was his senior year...and it was his 22nd birthday. all over a careless mistake (not on his part).

Even though I didnt know him, i do remember seeing him around. And it hurt me. One person can leave your life in the blink of an eye. One moment theyre there..the next, theyre not.

If the death of a stranger affected me in such a way, i cant imagine how the death of a friend would.

I think of all of the bullshit ive been going through lately. All of the people that i never reconciled with. All the damage that would be left behind if i was to magically leave this earth.

And then i wonder if they would even care. If you would care.

Are things that crucial, that important, to carry over for so long? Is it worth the risk of possibly never getting to say goodbye?

Its human nature to always think we have tomorrow. That we'll have one more day to make things right. But we dont.

the only thing definite in this lifetime is now. everything after that is circumstancial.

day 17.

Its Human Nature.

WOW ive been gone forever my blog lovies, but im back! Classes are almost over soooo ima have a lot more time to get my thoughts out there=]

Sometimes i just dont learn my lesson.

And its not just me, i see this flaw in my friends, my family, in strangers..it sucks. Im working on learning (well, not learning, but remembering) that i can not change people. Why is such a simple concept so hard to grasp?

Sweethearts, i reiterate, you can not change people, unless of course, they are ready to change.

Perhaps its like the late great MJ said...its just human nature! i distance myself from people because of the ways that they have hurt me in the past. Im so determined at that moment, never to let them get that close to me again. Closeness is an open invitation for broken-ness and only certain people should be extended that invitation.

But then, the day comes when i have a change of heart. i begin reminiscing about the good times we had, the love, the laughter, the smiles....and i want it back. I decide to forgive, but never forget. To allow him or her back into my life, but under strict circumstances:

1)im not going to tell him/ her my business
2)i wont answer his calls after friend hours (12 am)
3)bullshit bullshit bullshit

Looking back at my logic now, what the hell was i thinking? What kind of "friendship" involves shielding your thoughts, feelings, and/or emotions from one another? That isnt friendship loves...its simply non-existent.

I need to stop allowing people back into my life under these conditions. Ive realized once again that some people are in my past for a reason. Daddy told me once that people are in your life 'for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.' Keeping people in your life for longer than their allotted time will only hold you back.

Wait, let me say this again...

KEEPING PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE FOR LONGER THAN THEIR ALLOTTED TIME WILL ONLY HOLD YOU BACK.

You cant change people, or their ways. Even if things seem to be going good in the beginning, i guarantee that he or she will slip back into their ways and you will end up hurt and broken once again. Who needs that negative energy in their life?

Im not saying that people cant change, because i truly believe that they can. But dont force the change on them. If he or she is ready, then let them come to you. Dont chase unrealistic fairy tales.

Make that your human nature.