What do you do, when you dont know what to do?
Im so afraid. Im afraid of the goosebumps that i get when you touch me. Of the butterflies that magically appear when you pull me closer. Of the way i can get lost in your arms....
I am afraid of you.
Each day i feel myself falling for you a little bit more. I find myself kissing you a little bit longer, hugging you a little bit tighter...subconsciously trying to become one with you...and i love it.
But still im afraid.
What if i fall, but you remain standing?
I mean...i promised myself that i would never ever let another man do to me what he did. Never again will i let anyone hurt me like he did. And you promised me that you wouldnt.
But im afraid of the unknown.
Is this thing, this me&you, this us going to work? You knocked down the wall around my heart, and im trying SO hard, to let you love me...to let you care for me. Im trying SO hard to reciprocate that. But my past continues to haunt me. It lurks in the corners of my mind waiting for something to go wrong. Waiting for you not to call, to forget all about me. Waiting for me to be alone again.
What do you do, when you dont know what to do? When you find yourself running from both your past AND your future? What do you do when youre trapped in the now, at a standstill...when life is seemingly passing you by?
I love this jazmyn!!
ReplyDeletebut its ok to have a guard up when it comes to guys because no girl ever wants to go through the pain again, but you have to be careful of that guard at the same time because it can be the downfall of you two as well...
LOVE YA GIRL!!
don't get so lost in fear you forget to live... don't try so hard to prevent something that you create problems... take it from me... being scared inevitably causes you to punish someone before they've even committed a crime...
ReplyDeletei feel the same way!
ReplyDeleteyou always seem to write what im feeling sometimes...crazy!
wow Jaz...jeez.
ReplyDeletelike reading this it got to me. all i can say is you have to make a decision. are you willing to be hurt like that by this guy, because everyone has the ability to hurt you, no matter what they promise, neither of you can predict the future.
if you decide to fall, fall freely. don't let the mistakes and the past hurts continue to put you in a web where you can't escape because you're sure the next guy is just another person trying to hurt you. give him the benefit of doubt. write out all the hurts in a journal and firmly decide to not let it happen again.
and never forget to pray.