Losing Myself

Why is it that even when we try to better ourselves, theres always someone waiting to see us fail? Its taken me so long, too long, to finally become happy with myself again....to finally love myself again. Ive been hurt in more ways than anyone could ever fathom. And honestly, I dont think I'll ever tell anyone my entire story. Is it possible for someone to listen, without judging me? Believe me, I know Ive done some stupid things. But isnt that my right as an American?! LOL.

So many people think they know me. *NEWSFLASH* they dont. People had absolutely no clue what was going on in my life last semester. They told me that I was broken, and gradually, I believed them. I tried to be invisible. Class, home, sleep...Class, home, sleep...Class, home, sleep. My friends didnt understand. My family didnt understand. Most of the time I didnt understand myself.

Looking back now, I realize that my recent heartbreak had little to do with my brokeness. Through all of the tears and lonely nights, what I was really longing for was compassion. I needed someone to talk to, someone who would listen, but not judge. I didnt realize how cruel people could be until i came to Hampton University. Never before had I been around so many people who wanted to hurt me intentionally--who were waiting for me to collapse. I was always told that you should treat people how you would like to be treated. I always believed that people were genuinely good at heart.

The things that I learned and witnessed in the past year will stay with me forever. Never again will I assume that someone cares for me the way that I care for them. Never again will I put all of my trust into an individual.

Its sad really. I was that girl my entire life. It was who I was. Loving, trusting, giving. People always valued these qualities in me. Most people grow emotionally as they get older. I think Ive shrunk. Ive lost myself.

I used to be the sweetest girl.